All Points Bulletin…

Have you seen these two? It is believed that they work as a team. They’ve been known to frequent university pot shops and community clay clubs and they will eat your clay. They are relatively easy to identify as they both have a crick in their neck that makes them look like they’re leaning to the right even when they’re standing and even more noticeable is a chalky residue under the nose and on the chin. The one on the left is named Gary, alias “CC or Crabby Clam” and his counterpart goes by the alias, “Sgraffita”. She gets her name from notoriously cutting long spaghetti-like strands from recently pilfered, fresh-pugged clay. The last sighting was at the 2008 NCECA conference where they were seen lurking in booths adjacent to Laguna, Standard and Highwater Clay booths. Shortly after, “CC” was seen running to the convention center exits carrying a 25 lb. bag of Laguna Frost ^6 Translucent Porcelain while the shill, Sgraffita, distracted booth attendants with a flourish of vexing questions about glaze fit, overall shrinkage and, when things got really hairy, eutectics. The porcelain is said to have a street value of between 35 – 45 cents per pound although is unlikely that this pair will attempt selling it. If you see these two near your workspace do not approach them as they are believed to be armed. “CC” carries matching pearl-handled elephant ear sponges and Sgraffita carries a Kemper WLS 6.25″ Wire Loop Sgraffito Tool. If for some reason you do engage them, don’t be taken in by their extraordinary charm and wit as they only want your clay and have been known to nip one’s throwing hand, which of course results in the bitten potter actually helping the pair partake of the potter’s clay supply. Be forewarned, after the feeding orgy, they will disappear and you will be left with no clay and an almost insatiable hunger for silica. What you can do to protect your clay is to lock it in a cage, hang garlic cloves on the cage doors and place vials of day-old throwing water in the corners of the cage. In hard times they have also been known to consume leatherhard clay and will even eat completely dried greenware if nothing else is available. If you have any information please report it to: Pinkerton Government Services at

You can check out Crabby Clam’s very funny and entertaining blog at


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One Response to “All Points Bulletin…”

  1. gary Says:

    shoulda seen me a minute ago, mouth COVERED with the stuff!!!
    It’s true what they say, though: porcelain does NOT taste like cream cheese, and dark brown clays surprisingly DO NOT taste like chocolate! I like a nice vintage white stoneware–has that natural and earthy flavor that goes so well with, um, slip.
    Come visit this summer amigo.

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