The Ants Are Here, The Ants Are Here…

We ordered an Uncle Milton’s Ant Farm several weeks back and the ant farm came in the mail soon after. The ants, however, do not arrive with the farm… there is a coupon that comes with the farm and you mail it in and wait up to 7 weeks. It didn’t take 7 but it took quite a while. So there they were in the mail yesterday, live ants in a little plastic tube. Someone was very happy because the empty ant farm has been sitting on the sill in her room for weeks with no magic sand in it or anything.


First you turn it over and pour in the magic white “sand”, put the bottom back on, turn it over, add water and then push a little piece of cotton through which is holding the sand from trickling through into what will be the sky in the idyllic farm scene once the farm is turned over. Here’s the ant farmer pushing the cotton plug through.


Now I’m a certain type when putting things together and this is a common type. First I look at the pieces and then I put it together. If I run into any problems, I’ll get out the directions but they can be so tedious and nowadays although they were probably originally written in English, they were most likely translated to Chinese and then back to English (there are books and websites devoted to this like In 1987, a friend and I purchased a clock for our office in our new company and the little piece of paper that came with the clock (directions) with indecipherable descriptions of how to put a AA battery in the back ended with the quaint sentiment… “thank you for habitual use of our product”. This was my first exposure to this and we were rolling for days over it… it has now become commonplace but I still remember that and we still say it on occasion. But I digress… I read on the little ant tube a warning stated very clearly: “These ants will bite and it hurts”. I thought, well I’ve got a beehive out back and although I haven’t been stung yet, it’s inevitable and damn it’s only an ant. So I was supposed to put the ants in the refrigerator for 1/2 hour prior because it calms them down supposedly and I did put them in but in retrospect doubt it was 1/2 hour. Anyway I opened the little door in the sky and proceeded to dump the little buggers into the farm and they just started running in all directions… none of them into the ant farm. I hurriedly capped the container and started picking up ants one by one while Sofia dove for the bunkbed. Herding cats came to mind as I tried to stuff them into the little hole. I managed to get the loose ones into the hole but killed one and tore one’s leg off and not before several of them bit me and it did hurt. That was 5 hours ago as I type this with a still numb middle finger on my right hand… I’m thinking a necrosis will set in as I sleep tonight. Finally, I came up with a system (after I read the directions and there was no mention of how to get them in there – read: vindication) and got the rest of the ants to populate their farm. I know it sounds wimpy complaining about getting bit by itsy bitsy ants but these weren’t itsy bitsy… and I have proof. Look at this picture I took a bit later. The one ant is almost half as big as that tree and the tree is taller than the house next to it… this is to scale! I figure that ant is 8 feet tall and the numbness in my finger is a testament to it’s ferocity…


Ran a bisque and this was the temp this morning, it’s like the monkey’s tail in the lawn mower… won’t be long now.



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6 Responses to “The Ants Are Here, The Ants Are Here…”

  1. Michael Kline Says:

    I have some ants you can have, I’ll just have to wrangle them from the honey jar. They seem to really like the honey, some so much that they drown in the it.

  2. Miri Says:

    So funny! Like Michael, I’ve got plenty of ants to send you (of all sorts and sizes, I’m especially keen to rid us of our fire ants..). Seriously though, ants are fascinating critters. It is amazing to watch them work as a team, carrying dead stuff off to their nest. Such determination, such power, such coordination. I’ll have to make a video of them in action one day: they put on a show for us every other day. But do let me know if you want a million or so fire ants!

  3. Cindy G. Says:

    We have so many ants in our yard this year, I have officially namesd this “The Year Of The Ants”. When I saw your post title, I thought you were having a simular problem. Your Sofia is a cutie.

  4. nadia Says:

    that was FUNNY!

  5. gary Says:

    My man, don’t people try to get the ants OUT of the house???? You ordered some??? Isn’t one energetic puppy enough of a pet 😉 ?

  6. Barbara Edwards Says:

    Ha! This brought back some very funny (now) memories of ant farms. I can vouch for the pain from the bites. We were not such good ant farmers and our first batch either squeezed out or went belly up and we thought it would be fun to dig up some little sugar ants and their eggs from the yard and let them live in the skinny plastic farm. They weren’t impressed with the bucolic scene, escaped (carrying all the eggs) and paraded wildly through the kid’s room till they finally found a tiny exit to the outside. I wish you much better luck.

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