We ordered an Uncle Milton’s Ant Farm several weeks back and the ant farm came in the mail soon after. The ants, however, do not arrive with the farm… there is a coupon that comes with the farm and you mail it in and wait up to 7 weeks. It didn’t take 7 but it took quite a while. So there they were in the mail yesterday, live ants in a little plastic tube. Someone was very happy because the empty ant farm has been sitting on the sill in her room for weeks with no magic sand in it or anything.
First you turn it over and pour in the magic white “sand”, put the bottom back on, turn it over, add water and then push a little piece of cotton through which is holding the sand from trickling through into what will be the sky in the idyllic farm scene once the farm is turned over. Here’s the ant farmer pushing the cotton plug through.
Now I’m a certain type when putting things together and this is a common type. First I look at the pieces and then I put it together. If I run into any problems, I’ll get out the directions but they can be so tedious and nowadays although they were probably originally written in English, they were most likely translated to Chinese and then back to English (there are books and websites devoted to this like engrish.com). In 1987, a friend and I purchased a clock for our office in our new company and the little piece of paper that came with the clock (directions) with indecipherable descriptions of how to put a AA battery in the back ended with the quaint sentiment… “thank you for habitual use of our product”. This was my first exposure to this and we were rolling for days over it… it has now become commonplace but I still remember that and we still say it on occasion. But I digress… I read on the little ant tube a warning stated very clearly: “These ants will bite and it hurts”. I thought, well I’ve got a beehive out back and although I haven’t been stung yet, it’s inevitable and damn it’s only an ant. So I was supposed to put the ants in the refrigerator for 1/2 hour prior because it calms them down supposedly and I did put them in but in retrospect doubt it was 1/2 hour. Anyway I opened the little door in the sky and proceeded to dump the little buggers into the farm and they just started running in all directions… none of them into the ant farm. I hurriedly capped the container and started picking up ants one by one while Sofia dove for the bunkbed. Herding cats came to mind as I tried to stuff them into the little hole. I managed to get the loose ones into the hole but killed one and tore one’s leg off and not before several of them bit me and it did hurt. That was 5 hours ago as I type this with a still numb middle finger on my right hand… I’m thinking a necrosis will set in as I sleep tonight. Finally, I came up with a system (after I read the directions and there was no mention of how to get them in there – read: vindication) and got the rest of the ants to populate their farm. I know it sounds wimpy complaining about getting bit by itsy bitsy ants but these weren’t itsy bitsy… and I have proof. Look at this picture I took a bit later. The one ant is almost half as big as that tree and the tree is taller than the house next to it… this is to scale! I figure that ant is 8 feet tall and the numbness in my finger is a testament to it’s ferocity…
Ran a bisque and this was the temp this morning, it’s like the monkey’s tail in the lawn mower… won’t be long now.