Conversation With A 5-Year-Old…

I love conversations with 5 year olds, especially my 5 year old… maybe because mentally I never got very far past that myself. I wish I could remember them verbatim because some are really funny but I’m not the type to exert too much effort in that direction. When Sofia was 3 and 4 these conversations were funny in a completely different way and I’m sure when she’s 6 and 7, it will continue to change. I realize that I’m not telling parents anything they don’t already know. So we’re at the Red Pooper yesterday and Sofia’s favorite thing is to get hot and sour soup and dip those fried wonton strip thingies into the soup. I’m pretty sure she likes the fried thingies more that the soup but she eats them both, here’s the thingies I’m talking about (she calls them crispies)…

Yesterday while we eating she was fidgeting and wouldn’t stay seated and it’s not so much that I want her to remain seated, perfectly erect, facing forward as much as I realize that if I don’t nip it in the beginning, she’ll be running around the restaurant singing and screaming. So here’s our conversation:
Me: Sugar, sit in your chair.
Her: I am.
Me: No, you’re not.
Her: I am with half my butt.
Me: Well, put your whole butt on the chair.
Her: I am.
Me: No, you’re not.
Her: You can’t even see.
Me: If you don’t sit in your chair and eat, we will stop coming here.
Her: (she sits in the chair perfectly) Oh no, where will I get crispies?
Me: We won’t get any.
Her: We could go to the store and get them.
Me: What store?
Her: I don’t know, what store do they get them? (gesturing to the kitchen)
Me: I don’t know.
Her: Maybe they brought them back from China.
Me: Maybe, but how?
Her: Maybe they put them in their suitcase.
Me: Maybe, but that’s a long way for just a suitcase of crispies.
Her: (stares off for a few seconds) We can go to China and get some.
Me: You know, China is on the other side of the Earth.
Her: We’ll have to drive.
Me: We’re gonna drive to China?
Her: Yes, and we’ll buy some there.
Me: How will we be able to ask for them?
Her: (no response… confused)
Me: We speak English and they speak Chinese so if we ask in English they won’t know what we’re saying.
Her: We’ll just have to look around for them then.
Me: So we just need to take a look around China?
Her: Yup. (very satisfied)
Of course the funniest thing to me is that it seems never to have occurred to her that if she just did what I told her and sat in her chair, then the problem of where to get them wouldn’t exist. This happens with most threats where she immediately wants to explore the worst case scenario instead of simply complying. That’s all for today… wrapping Mom’s presents.


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10 Responses to “Conversation With A 5-Year-Old…”

  1. soubriquet Says:

    I’m with Sofia on this one. First, it’s quite obviously unreasonable of you to expect both cheeks of one five year-old’s butt to be planted firmly in a chair just like an old person would, -like a geriatric twelve-year-old, for instance.
    Second, the chinese people obviously drive to China regularly to get crispies, how hard can it be? Maybe there’s a short-cut you don’t know about? I bet China isn’t so far if you just know the right way. And the chinese people obviously understand english, because they understand you when you order, okay?
    Anyway, Sofia could crayon a quick drawing and point to it, then they’d understand at once.

  2. soubriquet Says:

    Those thingies look like what I’d call crispy noodles.
    I bet your chinese restaurant, the red pooper, I bet everything there is different to what chinese restaurants sell here.
    I went to Singapore, and those chinese people there knew NOTHING about what proper chinese food should be like. I didn’t recognise anything. It was a relief to get back to real english chinese food.

    Ha! really…. The food there was great, but it was wiser not to ask what it was or look too cosely. I declined the fish-gut soup.

  3. zygote Says:

    Me thinks fate gave you sunglasses to break you in for the main act.

  4. gary Says:

    I’d killl for those crispies so you KNOW I would sit nicely 🙂

  5. meredith Says:

    I have had some of my best conversations with people under the age of nine.
    This sure shows you are a good father and she is a great kid.
    Lucky yous enjoy!

  6. Becky Jo Says:

    Ha! Maybe she just wanted to go to China? Did you eventually just tell her the entire fiasco could be averted if she just put her WHOLE butt on the seat? 🙂

    Oh wait, I have a conversation I’d like to share. Situation: Babysitting at my sister’s house last night, in her kitchen, making almond bark pretzels with Gabbi,9 and Tyler,4. Gabster is sitting on a stool next to me, Tyler is on the other side of the counter, and then moves ON to the counter, sitting indian style.
    Me: TyGuy, please don’t sit up there.
    Gabbi: He does it all the time, Mom doesn’t care.
    Me: Fine, but don’t get your little feet in the pretzels.
    Tyler: Ok. Can I help?
    Me: Did you wash your hands? (fingers+nose=gross pretzels)
    Tyler: No, but I will.
    Me: Ok, after you wash your hands, don’t stick your finger in your nose again, otherwise you have to wash your hands. Again.
    Tyler: Ok. Rules rules rules. (!!!)
    He climbs back up on the table and goes to picking up dry pretzels and putting them in Tupperware, and then sits there, waiting for the others to dry… then…
    Tyler: Aunt Becky?
    Me: Yes?
    Tyler: Is it ok if I do this? … then he touches his grubby little foot!
    Me: Ugh.. Tyler, do you think your foot is clean enough to lick? That’s what it would be like if you touched a pretzel and then ate it. Licking your foot.
    Tyler: I guess not. Do I have to wash my hands again???

    Oh lord.. it went on and on… and he’s only getting more ornery. 🙂

  7. Barbara Edwards Says:

    I like how she explores her options in case she should decide not to obey Dad. She’s a great problem solver – especially trying to figure out who supplies the restaurant.

  8. ang Says:

    heheheheheheh, she’ll be making up tunes for the studio in no time!!

  9. Supersillyus Says:

    Maybe you could turn these conversations into books and get some money.

  10. Supersillyus Says:

    i.e. picture books

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