Have A Heart…

No post yesterday because I had to keep an appointment at my friendly neighborhood cardiologist. There are few rites of passage in our society and this post will be proof of my passing the threshold from middle to old age. If you are in your 30’s and 40’s and you go somewhere where you’re hanging out with older folks and the conversation’s dragging, just throw out something about prescriptions or cholesterol, you’ll be the life of the party in no time. It reminds me of post-college days going to parties and everyone would be talking about microsoft windows or photoshop. Anyway, now I’ve got the real stuff… no nipping at the fringes and trying to bluff my way through, I can shuck and jive with the codgers about all sorts of medical mysteries. I used to wonder why such enthusiasm? But with age comes experience and with experience comes disease and with disease comes the stories of how we try to beat back our slow (and sometimes not slow) decline or how we beat back death in some cases. To cut to the chase, the ECHO and the EKG were both normal… much to my relief. Why I ended up there is a long tale that maybe I’ll get around to if I ever decide to do a series of posts on my medical adventures (maybe I should wait until I’m at least 55). So without further ado, here are some pictures of my heart for anyone who may have doubted me having one and check out the detail on the top right image, the technician must have had the hangle just right…

You may remember a post I did titled “Don’t Go To The Podiatrist With Dog Poop On Your Shoes“… it’s in the right column under “Frequently Viewed Posts”. During that visit I took my camera and took pictures of the podiatrist injecting steroids into my heels… this didn’t work by the way (maybe a future medical adventure?). Anyway I walked into the ECHO-tech’s room where she does her ECHO stuff and she said… take your shirt off and sit down. I knew right away that I might have trouble because she seemed to be one of those people that doesn’t have much of a sense of humor, but I went for it anyway. I said, can I take a picture? She looked at me like I was missing a nose and said, take a picture o’ what? Cheerfully, I said, my heart of course. She rolled her eyes, made a disgusted smirk and said, well I guess, if you, I can’t see any reason, if you, I guess, etc. I decided not to push it and just sat down without the camera and let her do her thing. I thought I’d butter her up with some small talk (my friends will chuckle at that because I’m so good at small talk… duh) and at least I didn’t lead with, we’ve been getting a lot of snow this winter or how ’bout them Cards? I opted for the more curious… so how many of these do you do a day? I really did want to know but she stiffened and said, as many as they need me to do. She squirted some lube gel on the ultrasound thingie and said, this is gonna be cold… no doubt, why go warm now. I chose not to distract her with more probing questions (mostly because I half think the last tech made a technician-error). After it was over she said, you can put your shirt on. I said, so… could I just take a picture and she said ok, but just buried her nose in some chart. She didn’t want me to get a picture of her I guess… and who could blame her I might be from the CIA or the IRS or hell, I might post it on the internet. Then I went and sat in the actual cardiologist’s office to wait for him to decipher the ECHO code of Hammurabi. While sitting there, the most interesting thing in the entire room were these actual size heart sculptures…

The poor bastards they got those out of, what kind of butchers am I dealing with here? A nurse came in to administer an EKG, which is an electrocardiogram and not to be confused with the ECHO which is an echocardiogram. And maybe I need an EEG, which is and electroencephalograph, meaning that I need my head examined for writing this. Anyway, this nurse cheered me up with a story about how she had had CPR training her whole life but had never used it until the previous week when her neighbor, an 83 year old man, died one night and his wife came knocking on her door in the middle of that night and she went over to attempt to revive him but was too late. Why she felt the need to point out that his trousers were down around his ankles is beyond me and I just laid there with the tangle of wires hooked to me… at least it’s not small talk, right? So a clean bill of heart health for me from the cardiologist. Here’s the vase I was working on most of yesterday…

I used that cracked bowl that I gave Sofia to raise the piece up for the sake of ergonomics but I’m thinking maybe I need to make customized plinths for the vases.

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10 Responses to “Have A Heart…”

  1. Ben Says:

    Good to know the ticker is still ticking properly!

    Talk about having two completely different technicians! One won’t open up at all–the other tells that story. At first glance, I thought that the bowl was part of the vase. It makes quite a nice pedestal.

  2. Connie Norman Says:

    I’m so glad to hear everything is normal!! whew!! I’m also glad that you were able to report that you have a heart. So many people don’t have one.

    I can relate to your story about getting old, I’ve had 3 spinal cord surgeries, but unfortunatley old age set in with me at 30. So unfair, that I got to join the ranks of the infirm, and feeble at such a young age. My first back surgery was now about 15 years ago, so now I’m gettng to be a not so young memeber of the feeble and infirm.

    Be well, Jim…. No more trips to the cardiologist.

  3. soubriquet Says:

    I’ve never seen a pic of my heart. Maybe I’m heartless?

    Plinth. I love that word.

    “You, Sir, are a PLINTH!”

  4. hayseed Says:

    Glad to hear all’s well. May that continue.. Yes aging does require maintenance and exploratory therapies. The dreaded colonoscopy came up for me last year. You should have seen the reaction to my request for copies of the pictures so that I could make my 2009 Christmas cards.

  5. ang Says:

    i dunno small talk and tests do they go together? not in my experience just get it over with and get me outta here!! glad everything is aOK.. ooh yum vase i love the big swirly squiggles, def my fav…

  6. Cindy Gilliland Says:

    Good the ticker is clear 🙂 It sounds like you paid a visit to the twilight zone.

  7. red dirt girl Says:

    yeah – what they said. you have a heart -YEAH !!! Interesting to get the ‘customer’s’ perspective on the service provider seein’ hows i’m in the ‘biz these days – ha. btw: congrats on the interview. and your overall success. I knew i was purchasing quality when I bought your wares. Soubry loves his teacup. I love mine, but my honeycomb bowl is my FAV !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    xxx

  8. gary rith Says:

    My man, with her attitude, i was thinking she was gonna lube up the probe and tell you to bend over and spread ’em so she could probe your heart from the long way ’round!

  9. eugene hon Says:

    I hate hospitals and anything medical – need to go for a checkup myself. Not been for five years. I do go now and then for a subscription for a boost much needed at my age. I recommended a nurse to meet your every need in response to the above post. Maybe she fits the profile. If any of the comments above hold true and her lack of response to your now very famous small talk, I guess not – anyway a visit to one of those places will also make me sick. No wonder you have a cold – Seeing those sculptures of my ticker would make my heart pounce even more erratic and send the blood pressure up and away. Mainly it is the smell I cant take. God I hate the place

  10. Patricia Griffin Says:

    Strong Heart! Always great news.
    Love the vase and the idea of the customized pliths.

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