I Know That!…

Got the kiln going last night and it’s still going now. My friend Andy and I went to one of our favorite beer haunts, that will remain unnamed for this post (beware the google reader). We used to love to go here for the beer but now it’s transforming into coming here for a bit of perverse entertainment. When we arrived and we past the waiter on the way to our seats, I said to Andy… oh there’s the guy, he’s the worst waiter I ever saw. Andy concurred and started to tell about how he, his girlfriend and her family had met there for his birthday and had had the same guy for a server. I said, the great thing is that he’s so bad, it’s actually good because it’s so funny. So we sat down and Andy turned over his coaster and this was on the back…

The puppy-vac is chasing the cat-tleabra. So the waiter dude comes up to the table… lets call him Marty. He never makes eye contact and when he’s talking to you directly he looks up at the wall close to the ceiling. Andy says, can I get some chips and salsa? and Marty says to the ceiling, are you all going to eat? Andy says, yeah, sure… bring me a menu and I say, I’m just drinking beer. About 10 minutes later he shows up with two menus, puts them on the table and leaves. Another 5 or 10 go by and he comes back and Andy says, I’ll get a tossed salad with honey mustard dressing and some breaded mushrooms. Andy reminds him of the chips and salsa by politely saying, … and there’s the chips and salsa too. Marty turns and takes a step or two and without turning around says to the wall up by the ceiling… I know that! He walks away and we chuckle. Another 5 and Marty comes to the table (still hasn’t brought anything) and stops back a few feet, looks at the ceiling and says quite loudly… the cook doesn’t know how to make a salad. He’s completely serious. Andy just guffaws and says… am I being punked? Marty says, I can’t tell him how to make a salad because he speaks spanish and I don’t. I say, how about ensalada? Marty says, so just a salad… that’s it?, which I took to mean that because we didn’t have the spanish word for “tossed”, that Andy would have to settle for a salad, not a tossed salad. Andy’s still laughing. Marty leaves and returns with a plate that has shredded lettuce, chopped tomatoes and some onions on top, says nothing and walks to the back room on the opposite side of the tavern. After about 5 minutes, he comes back to the table and says, there’s no honey mustard dressing. Andy says what do you have and Marty says, French, Italian and Ranch. Before he finishes Andy says I’ll have balsamic (because it said on the menu that that was one of the choices). Then he says, I need some silverware too. Marty turns, walks a step, doesn’t turn around and says again… I know that! He returns shortly with silverware for both of us and tosses the little plastic dressing package onto the table in front of Andy. Andy says thank you and I got some chips and salsa too. Marty turns, takes a step and looking up at the wall again says… I know that! Eventually he brings the chips and the rest of it was pretty uneventful. I mentioned that I wished I could’ve gotten it on video because there’s no way that I would be able to convey the events and they be as funny as they were and looking back at what I’ve written, it seems that that is true. It is a puzzle why some people sometimes have a job that they are totally unsuited for but I have to admire Marty’s persistence. Here’s a picture of a happy man…

This is the only beer that I got that wasn’t a draft…

I was hoping that Doug Fitch might be reading this at some point because as the label on the back of this Hoppy Otter states, “Hoppy Otter is the latest artisinal ale from the Otter Brewery, located in the majestic Blackdown Hills, Devon, England…

I’m wondering if this is Doug’s home brewery. It was a very good IPA, twas.


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23 Responses to “I Know That!…”

  1. Jerry Says:

    Sounds like this establishment should be for drinking only. Eat beforehand and sit at the bar, maybe? I’m curious to see if Doug knows the beer or brewery. I certainly like the name, Hoppy Otter…and I always love a good IPA. Now I’m thirsty. Is 10AM on a Friday while you’re at work a bad time to have a beer?

  2. Jerry Says:

    “Tipple Time” also makes me grin.

  3. meredith Says:

    I was sure the post would have a child under 5 in it and i was right!
    The waiter from hell- call Gordon from Hell’s kitchen.
    The guy needs a job that does not have any P>E>O>P>L>E.
    Bet he still lives with his M>O>M.
    Watch out!
    good looking brew- yea—- I know that!

  4. cindy shake Says:

    You so have to YouTube this next time! Yes, next time -you have the right attitude, it’s beer & free entertainment! Then I think it’s fun to just mess with mean people, killing them with kindness because most times they’re looking for a fight. Reminded me of the Soup Guy on Seinfeld!

  5. doug fitch Says:

    Ah Otter Brewerey, the taste of home! How fantastic to see it out there all the way from Devon – Good Health, Cheers!

  6. zygote Says:

    Way to funny! I think I’d going every weekend for a good laugh.

  7. Ben Says:

    I think you got the funny to come through. I’m glad that you had that attitude going in–I can see getting pretty miffed at that guy. Instead of ‘no soup for you,’ it’s ‘I know that!’ Haha.

  8. Tracey Says:

    Flypaper for Freaks, that’s what my husband calls me! I think the same might be said for you there!! You gotta love the world of the strange. Where would our entertainment come from otherwise 🙂

  9. Rob Lorenz Says:

    Humorous, but (and I don’t mean to rain on anyone’s parade or anything) perhaps the guy has a legitimate mental deficiency. No eye contact, repeating the same phrase…could be highly functioning autism or something. Mind you I’m not a doctor and have never met the guy, but it could be a possibility. Of course he could just be a really bad waiter too.

    • liz Says:

      ya know, it really could be bad support staff, and a waiter on the edge… Grin, I ‘ve been there, bad career choice

  10. ang Says:

    heheheh.. glad you had fun…that waiter could be in a dinner theatre peeps pay big money to be treated like that…!

  11. Matt Says:

    When I got to the end of the post I thought I wasted my time reading it because — I know that!

    Ang: I love the dinner theatre concept.

  12. kellyTpottery Says:

    OOOOooooo, I love me a good HOBgoblin…..

  13. John Dorsey Says:

    I’m sorry, why do you go there?

    right – the beer…

  14. liz Says:

    OMG, I have worked in the restaurant industry. With people just like him. Delightfully dappy would be my term for him, if I wasn’t hungry, or his co worker. But thankfully as a customer, I am usually happy enough to have a beer and a giggle, til my food arrives. The beer looks awesome. I will go hunting for it here, I am a fan of a good IPA.

  15. Michael Mahan Says:

    Sounds like a Lyle Lovette song.

  16. jeff martin Says:

    he sounds like solid you tube gold… but you knew that!

  17. Jen Says:

    If you like Hoppy Otter, you should try Spotted Cow or Fat Squirrel from WI.

  18. gary rith Says:

    Frankly, Marty is DEEP into the beers already.
    BTW, at the Chapterhouse? I walk in and my man is like ITHACA BROWN coming up! You better believe I tip him good 🙂

  19. eugene hon Says:

    I use to drink allot of Beer, especially after a badminton inter-club game and often practicing nights. Now its to fattening and glutton intake does not help the cause. however this brew certainly wet my appetite once more, refreshed my memory of going to clubs and drinking our own beer labelled, Black Label. It is a Beer produced mainly for the black market and is marketed as the lusty lively beer, drank by reel men to quench their thirst after a trying and demanding, labour intensive, body stressing day at the rock-face, so to speak. Not referring to mountaineering, but rather a few kilometers down a mine digging out the gold on the reef here in JHB. It became the choice beer of gays in leather clubs etc, I guess it was something to do with masculinity issues. SAB breweries in SA is one of the biggest breweries in the world.

  20. Lifetime Network Says:

    Oh man. That dude is so funny he oughta be in pictures.

  21. Where’d ‘e go?… « Sofia’s Dad’s Pots Says:

    […] by the presence of the best waiter in the western world which I elaborated on previously in this post. This time he didn’t wait on us because we had moved to the bar in the front of the place and […]

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