Cycling Ass Imminent…

Sofia and I went over to (some retail store) yesterday to get some pipe cleaners and coincidentally to return a gel seat cover that I got for my uncushioned steel bike seat. Actually, as with everything, pipe cleaners are no longer called pipe cleaners but “fuzzy sticks” and as always I imagine myself going back in time and trying to explain to my grandfather that those pipe cleaners he’s using in the future will no longer be used on pipes, be thrice the length, be called fuzzy sticks and will come in gold, silver and neon colors. This conversation will only be an extension of an endless conversation where I inform him of things about the future that I am amused by but that he would never believe and insist that I was just pulling his leg. One of these that we had as a dinner conversation when I was visiting Ig in Des Moines was that the #1 most popular plastic surgery operation for men is… calf implants (this does not refer to having a baby cow implanted in their… hell, I don’t know where). Our conversation revolved around why and as I’m not a weightlifter, it never occurred to me that many weightlifters are very unsatisfied with their calves as suggested by one of the dinner guests. Anyway, here’s some of the results of our pipecleaner/fuzzy stick extravaganza…

So the pipecleaner shoes got me thinking of back when Sofia was only 2 years old and she had her shoes made of little pretend wine flutes…

On the way out of this (retail store), Sofia insists on climbing onto these large red concrete balls out front about 3 1/2 feet in diameter. As I leaned/sat against one of these hard concrete spheres, I noticed that, because of all my riding lately, I may be developing cycling ass (CA). I wanted to refer to it as biker’s ass but figured I might get a different kind of accidental tourist to the blog through the search engine. Anyway, you can’t tell if someone has CA by looking, it’s more that the muscles become accustomed to a certain activity in the same way that someone might develop “nose-picker’s finger” (NPF), “gum-chewer’s tongue”(GCT), “frailer’s thumb”(FT) or “tennis elbow”… well, no maybe not tennis elbow. I went for a long ride with my good friend Vern Saturday and he insists that those soft seat covers are a bad solution for people who can’t put off instant gratification to reach a goal… the goal being CA and if the rider would only put in the very uncomfortable first 200 miles that the butt will acclimate to a small hard seat. Anyway, heading to the studio now. Here’s a vase that I posted to Etsy recently (first click to etsy, the other enlarges)…


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16 Responses to “Cycling Ass Imminent…”

  1. Jerry Says:

    ‘Frailer’s thumb’?? And btw, those pipe cleaner shoes are fabulous.

    • jim Says:

      hi jerry, sorry, i couldn’t resist… frailing is a mountain banjo technique and the thumb catches the drone string.

  2. dan Says:

    What happened to Sofia’s curls?

  3. Ron Says:

    I think Sofia has a thing for fashion. Did you see Meredith’s post this morning about the guy from the Iron Butt Association?

  4. Tasha Says:

    Try a Brooks saddle for alleviating and cultivating CA.

  5. John Dorsey Says:

    Coincidently, CA is the #2 most popular plastic surgery operation for men…

    • jim Says:

      wow john, you mean i can get it done surgically? unfortunately it’s probably not covered on my insurance policy… damn that obama!

  6. meredith Says:

    funny thing about these post!
    You could join the iron butt crowd- just think of how tight you CA would be!
    This guy who showed up at our house was trashed after two days of no sleep.
    And we thought all we had to worry about was 16 year old with cell phones.
    The bug! She just makes me smile!

  7. becky jo Says:

    I went on a 34 mile bike ride last Tuesday… I would say I probably had CA for a few days… and by that I mean my azz hurt for a few days. 😉

  8. Melanie Says:

    next time, I’d like to see some of those documented… NPF or CA pics, maybe??

  9. Patricia Griffin Says:

    CA is probably better than PA… which comes from spending too much time planted on the stool in front of your wheel…. Love Sofia’s pipe-cleaner shoes!

  10. Michael Kline Says:

    I found out recently that carbon paper is almost impossible to find. At least your grandfather wouldn’t have a problem finding a neon pipe cleaner!

  11. Eugene Hon Says:

    The neon pipe cleaners are fun due to their three dimensional doodle properties. Our Faculty Management group were recently provided the product at their strategic breakaway for a team building exercise or what ever. They came up with interesting creations with the theme, the soccer world cup. Their three dimensional sketches turned out to be marvelous creations – most of the HODs are caught up in hectic administrative responsibilities and their creative output must have been a direct response to their lack of creative production. I like the vase allot Jim – must be the stark contrast you created by the the textured and colour glazed body, set against the flared white rim and neck of the vase.

  12. cynthia Says:

    ;D Laughing out loud at this post…literally. Sophia – love the wine glass shoes! I need a pair…in pink.

    So my husband leaves on Saturday for his “soul searching man” moment – he’s participating in Ride the Rockies a 500 mile + ride through the Rocky Mountains. I think at 45 he wants to prove that he still can do this sort of thing, but all the training has come at a great price to his a**. While I have noticed a great improvement in his fitness & physique, he has had to layoff of training for the past 1 1/2 weeks for fear that…ahem…his a** won’t be able to take it for 500+ miles. I tried to get him to buy a cushy seat, his pride won’t let him. I won’t get into the gory details, but I fancy that at points in the ride, he’ll be hallucinating and praying to every god imaginable for some relief.

  13. gz Says:

    CA can be cured by a good pair or three of cycling shorts ( not worn all at once!) and NOT wearing anything under them!! For soreness use Nappy Rash Cream 🙂 Also don’t overdo things, build up to what you need to do.
    (Fourth generation Trackie and all round cyclist- just enjoy the bike!!)

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