Lose A Quick 10 Pounds On The LAID Diet…

The hell with all those gimmicky diet solutions that you can’t stick to, try the LAID diet… that’s the “Lying Around In Delirium” diet. All you need is whatever we’ve got and you won’t have a choice to slip up and overeat. Well, it’s 1 week today and I’m still not better… actually Sofia’s still not all the way better and she got it days before me and poor Mom just got it a couple days ago so she’s got quite a bit to go. I realize that when people describe being sick there is a tendency toward hyperbole but this one (flu?) is a monster. I was unable to get out of bed for 3 days and I’m still a bit blurry mentally as I type this between the hacking. I guess this says it all as the bug has had a very long week of her parents barely being able to acknowledge her…

I guess I’ll just post some pictures because all I could really talk about here is what’s been going on for a week now and that would be long drawn out descriptions about what a horrible virus? this thing is. No reading, no typing, no eating, no drinking, no watching a movie, no playing with your child, no making pottery, no anything except various types of misery. Of course running through my head whenever I’m sick and cannot even pretend to function are two recurring stories that must’ve had a tremendous effect on me because I always think of them. One is the Shackleton expedition to the south pole, or should I say toward the south pole. The entire crew survived almost 2 years on and in the frozen ocean near the southern pole. They went about 6 months at one stretch in complete darkness with and average temperature of -30 degrees F. I remember this because, well, really, what kind of wimp am I? I’m in a warm bed with central heating and working kitchen downstairs and electricity. A more recent example of the same thing with is more along the populist lines is… 1997 Game 5 NBA Finals and Michael Jordan is so sick that his teammates weren’t sure he was going to be able to get dressed. I remember watching the game and whenever they showed him, he looked just like I look when I’m sick (I mean, he didn’t really look like me… I do have catlike reflexes but the similarities end there). Anyway, he forced himself to play and in the last quarter played what could only be described as miraculously and that would be if had been well. So again, the sad, sick dad lying in bed with a repetitious delirium drumming in my head everytime I close my eyes… not much admirable about my coping when compared to these two stories, I not only couldn’t play basketball, I couldn’t button my shirt. OK, so that’s enough of that. Here’s another drawing before the illness kicked in…

Maybe a bit foreboding without even realizing it. So, this year I broke down and got one of these electric space heaters because our house is so unevenly heated. My idea was that it would warm the downstairs enough to keep the thermostat from kicking on as often, thus keeping the upstairs from being continually too warm while the downstairs is continually too cold. The final word is still out but suffice to say it didn’t work out as I intended but I’ll tell you who is happy about the addition to our climate control. The dog. Now one of the selling points for me on the damn thing was the ad shows a cat sleeping on it while it’s working meaning that it is not a fire hazard or a burn hazard for children or pets. I only saw this as a positive thing and never thought how it might swing to the other end of the continuum. The dog not only sits and stands in front of it, she actually sits/stands with her chin resting on it…

And when her chest gets a bit heated, she rotates like she’s on a rotisserie…

So I’m not sure about the effectiveness of this thing heating 1000 sq. ft. of living space but my dog’s chest, shoulders and back keep pretty toasty. Here’s some greenware from before my production was so rudely interrupted…

Here’s one that I just did because I wanted to, not highly functional or should I say, ergonomic but something about it I just like. I even have two pics of it…

Last but not least, yesterday the sun came out and it must’ve been in the low to mid 50’s. Sofia and I spent some time on the porch and the sun really did me some good. Of course, even though she’s still hacking through the night, the other symptoms have dissipated to being for all intents and purposes back to her normal ebullient self…

I really liked this picture because, quite by accident, the sun in the background made it look like the broomstick the bug’s holding like a samurai sword is actually enchanted like in all the Oz books we’ve read…

Here’s the obligatory long-in-the-tooth-bleary-eyed shot at 80% recovered, as you can see, Michael Jordan I’m not…


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15 Responses to “Lose A Quick 10 Pounds On The LAID Diet…”

  1. Becky Says:

    Oh no.. I’m so sorry you’re sick. Two weeks ago I was in the same exact place. I stayed in bed for two days… I did almost nothing productive (some dishes, required laundry). You’ll feel better soon.. and just think, you’ll have lost a little weight too, right? 😉

    Oh, and my dog does the same thing with our space heater. She’ll sit in front of it, turn around and get her back toasty, and lay in front of it for hours. We joke that she’s just layin’ around, cookin’ her insides. 😉

  2. gary rith Says:

    Oh MAN, nice pots, great dog, great kid, but boy, YOU LOOK LIKE SH!T. Poor fella. I was hoping at first, of course, that getting laid kept ya fit…
    (feel better amigo! 🙂

  3. kyle Says:

    sorry to hear of the household sickness…hope you guys feel better soon…really sweet looking mugs!

  4. meredith@whynot Says:

    love the fact you bought the dog a heater- and i know the dog loves you for it!
    Just get her a turntable and she will be in heaven.
    Funny how those kids bounce back leaving the germs behind them.
    As a friend of mine use to say- just wallow in it.

  5. meredith@whynot Says:

    PS I have 10 pounds you can have- free no charge.
    No don’t thank me I will ship them down later!

  6. Skuzy Says:

    I love the drawings and the dog and the pics…and Sofia and the pots. Get welll soon you handsome devil. I still like you even though the last time I saw you, you were your not-so-good-at-small-talk-niceties self. TAKE SOME VITAMIN D MAYBE. It might help keep the infections away.

  7. Tracey Says:

    Good news is that by 3rd grade you stop getting so many of these nasty viruses, at least we did. Gerry and I threw up so much the first six years of Wesley’s life, and if we weren’t puking we were coughing and sneezing! Feel better, just keep telling yourself she is worth every minute of it 🙂 your work is lovely.

  8. Zygote Says:

    Woof… get well soon Jim.
    This time I’m glad you live far away.
    (I’m beginning to think functionality is overrated)

  9. ang Says:

    hehehhe enjoyed the doggy heater hialrious :)) and you urggg what ya been hangin around???? whatever it is stop it….and handles you know how i love handles..yeh bring em on…

  10. ron Says:

    I hope you feel better soon Jim. Whew, it rough being sick. I kept thinking the same sorts of things when I was sick with that fever a while back. I thought, Thank goodness I’m here in my bed instead of in some cold cot in a hut in the jungle. (or whatever)
    Love the dog/heater shots.

  11. Judy Shreve Says:

    Sorry you’ve been sick — these young kids are germy rascals. Tracey is right – by about 3rd grade kids aren’t quite so toxic.

    Love the dog heater! And the mugs — and I’m thinking if Sofia just waved that broom handle over your head, you might get well — you sure it’s the sun? Looks pretty magical to me.

  12. cindy shake Says:

    The dog with the heater is a hoot! Sorry you guys got the bug 😦 I had a crappy respiratory bug that kept morphing for the WHOLE HOLIDAY vacation break -I finally stopped coughing (like was being choked by a pepper spray attack!) a couple weeks ago! Love the mugs too. You better sit down so you don’t get too dizzy 🙂

  13. Heidi Fahrenbacher Says:

    I hope you are feeling better, that’s awful. Sofia looks like she could kick any viruses butt!
    The pictures of the dog are hilarious! I seriously laughed out loud!

    I like new handles too. Do you pull them?

    • jim Says:

      hi heidi, yes the handles are pulled but i cut some of them up and put them back together again

  14. artistatexit0 Says:

    Been there and still coughing slightly. I ran a fever for a week and it wasn’t until the flu morphed into a sinus infection that I could be treated with antibiotics which did the trick nearly overnight. Sorry to hear the family was laid low. It’s no fun laying in bed if you can’t enjoy it in some way.

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